My Story…
- NOVEL
My story begins in not the best of places,
I used to suffer from ptsd, servere depression and currently still fighting anxiety.
my story is begins in my childhood. Being brought up around family friends and members. I trusted everyone that my parents had introduced in my life. I trusted those that my parents laid trust in. And I believed in the friendships and sense of family they delivered. But it was taken advantage of. The history of trauma, sexual abuse and rape on multiple occasions increased from the age of 5-17, although it was made out to be normal. I didn’t know better. 11 yrs old I started self harming, from cuts to burns, to boiling hot baths and showers. My parents trusted these people, and everything seemed ok. I didn’t know any better because it happened for so long it felt normal. I spoke about it to my parents multiple times but was never believed. I was made out to be a liar. No one trusted the word of an observant child. No one trusted my feelings or what I had to say. I was ignored. At 14 I had my first partner who was a drug addict and beat me, kept me locked up for 8 months. I got out of there due to a kind friend coming to look for me. Making a fake Facebook account to message me asking for the address and knowing I wasnt safe and wanted to go home. They saved me. I lost my mother at 15 and my father at 17. At 18 the two people I trusted in jail. one was sentenced to 5 years imprisonment for the indecent treatment of a child and rape on 2 counts. The other same but on 9 counts. my whole life had turned upside down. I had no one left to guide me. I had the realisation that I was a victim. I sunk into deep depression, with suicidal tendencies every day and followed through to attempting to take my life a total of nine times. Each time I was hospitalised. I chose to isolate from everyone around me take up drinking and self harming again. I attempted to take my life one last time. I was alone on the night of my birthday no calls no texts nothing from anyone I cared about to wish me a happy birthday or even just check in. So I did it. I overdosed on pills and my sister found me on the floor after attempting to suprise me for my birthday. Barely holding on almost lifeless. I heard her screaming. She made me spew everything I had swallowed and saved my life. I then vowed to be better and chose to live. I chose to live and hold on for other people. And because I wasn’t ready to leave her after hearing that scream, seeing the way her tears of fear run down her face. I chose to keep fighting as my strength and presence was not only needed for me but the people around me. From there on I just to fight and always find peace and the hidden blessings in a shitty day. I chose to kill what wanted to kill me. I chose to live.